This poem is meant to bring you, the reader, into my life-long battle with anxiety and depression. Not the situational depression, such as mourning a death or overcoming a break up. I am speaking of the anxiety and depression that I developed at a young age and spent most of my life trying to cover up because I didn’t know how to handle it.
I was embarrassed, confused, and always looking for help from the wrong people.
It wasn’t until my early 30’s that I started to understand why I had anxiety and depression.
I spoke with a lot of different therapists and psychologists that kicked me out or asked me not to return because I didn’t agree with attempting to treat my symptoms and not the underlying issues. I am talking about dispensing medication after medication with no logical answers.
I have practiced medicine for a while now and I understand the ” we have to treat the symptoms bit” but I just didn’t agree with it in my case.I knew that I could improve my life without all of that.
After much research I met a with a lady who treats PTSD and trauma, specifically. Even though she admitted later that she had her doubts, she pulled her knowledge together and was able to find a way for me to complete EMDR therapy without the lights. (FYI: I have seizures and that may cause a trigger). I have to admit, at first, I was very uncomfortable and thought it was silly. I forced myself to keep an open mind. Now, I HAVE TAKEN THAT BULL BY THE HORNS AND HAVE LEARNED TO GROW AND LIVE HEALTHY AND HAPPY.
Ms. Tunnel’s Withdrawal
my very own Chauffeur!-
a shadow of deter.
deteriorating to my knees-
my curtains ease close-
the sun light dims.
…She promises warmth-
…She eliminates the battling and confusing conflict She steals my voice while leading me down her tunnel of depression.
…At least She thought.
Pleased to overhear my own chuckling view…
it has been a while since I have faced You–
Your attendance caressed my skin…
Your bogus fabrications attempted to pull me in…
and just for a moment—
…You assumed You had me under my own skin.
your absence has deceived you!
My defenses surprise you.
ms. tunnel, –
I will NOT fight you nor let you surround Me any longer.
There are no walls to keep you out.
There is no drink I must drink-
I will not numb what I think.
…your absence has belittled you.
I avow hands with each demon-
declare equal admission…
My eyes study each scar, fault, and imperfection-
proclaim My personal connection.
I no longer deadbolt vaults-
I consume no fear to keep you imprisoned.
My defenses surprise you!
My soldiers stand conditioned.
So, take your withdraw-
and beware of equal admission.
It has been established by practice and law-
and there will be no submission. 07/09/2018
I am Katrina.