This poem is meant to bring you, the reader, into my life-long battle with anxiety and depression. Not the situational depression, such as mourning a death or overcoming a break up. I am speaking of the anxiety and depression that I developed at a young age and spent most of my life trying to cover up because I didn’t know how to handle it.
I was embarrassed, confused, and always looking for help from the wrong people.
It wasn’t until my early 30’s that I started to understand why I had anxiety and depression.
I spoke with a lot of different therapists and psychologists that kicked me out or asked me not to return because I didn’t agree with attempting to treat my symptoms and not the underlying issues. I am talking about dispensing medication after medication with no logical answers.
I have practiced medicine for a while now and I understand the ” we have to treat the symptoms bit” but I just didn’t agree with it in my case.I knew that I could improve my life without all of that.
After much research I met a with a lady who treats PTSD and trauma, specifically. Even though she admitted later that she had her doubts, she pulled her knowledge together and was able to find a way for me to complete EMDR therapy without the lights. (FYI: I have seizures and that may cause a trigger). I have to admit, at first, I was very uncomfortable and thought it was silly. I forced myself to keep an open mind. Now, I HAVE TAKEN THAT BULL BY THE HORNS AND HAVE LEARNED TO GROW AND LIVE HEALTHY AND HAPPY.
Ms. Tunnel’s Withdrawal
maliciously stirring,
in anticipation…
my very own Chauffeur!-
a shadow of deter.
deteriorating to my knees-
my curtains ease close-
the sun light dims.
…She promises warmth-
…She eliminates the battling and confusing conflict She steals my voice while leading me down her tunnel of depression.
Oh-
Well–
…At least She thought.
Pleased to overhear my own chuckling view…
it has been a while since I have faced You–
Your attendance caressed my skin…
Your bogus fabrications attempted to pull me in…
and just for a moment—
…You assumed You had me under my own skin.
your absence has deceived you!
My defenses surprise you.
ms. tunnel, –
I will NOT fight you nor let you surround Me any longer.
For you:
There are no walls to keep you out.
There is no drink I must drink-
I will not numb what I think.
…your absence has belittled you.
For Me:
I avow hands with each demon-
declare equal admission…
My eyes study each scar, fault, and imperfection-
proclaim My personal connection.
I no longer deadbolt vaults-
I consume no fear to keep you imprisoned.
My defenses surprise you!
My soldiers stand conditioned.
So, take your withdraw-
and beware of equal admission.
It has been established by practice and law-
and there will be no submission. 07/09/2018
I am Katrina.
Completly relate.
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