Any story of recovery is an awful story to admit, and most of the conflict is an internal fight. Recovery has a lot of beginnings and a long tunnel that you can feel lost in most of the time.
The truth is, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I Am Living Proof of that.
I first remember the feeling of depression when I was a child, living in the single digits. At that time, I was unaware what depression even was.
Through my teenage years and 20’s my depression took on a face of its own. The depression flood gates opened, anxiety and panic took over. Progressively, my depression became so disruptive in my life, it destroyed relationships. Depression shadowed every corner of my life. My work, my personal relationship, friends, and family.
It wasn’t until my early 30’s when I admitted to myself that I had enough!
Prior to my 30’s I attempted medications, but they gave me a numbing feeling. I attempted therapists, but they gave me an angry feeling!
That’s when I asked myself, “how much do I REALLY know about depression?”
I started doing research and after all these years of living with depression, I
was forced to realize that I really had
no clue how to live with depression! With this understanding, I finally
started to identify why my mind had trouble focusing and why I have mental
slumps. I started to believe that there was some light at the end of my tunnel.
So, I continued my research.
The more research that I read, the more that I was forced to understand and face that depression is an actual illness. I then had the weapon to stand up to this illness that I let take on a face of its own. I started to look for PTSD Psychologists in my area.
I had already gotten kicked out of many offices, been asked not to return, and had tons of medications thrown at me so, I thought WHY NOT!
I walked into her office, she was very welcoming and weird. I liked that. I
I have walked into a lot of offices but something felt different this time. Later, I understood that this time I came carrying Hope with me. I was determined to figure out what I needed to do to stop living in this Hell. She stuck my battle out with me and did not give up on me (even though later she admitted early on she had her doubts).
PTSD therapy uses EMDR tools, routine sessions, daily tools, and I was VERY uncomfortable, until I got used to it. I had to focus on all of the negative thoughts that would normally force my mind into a gutter. Not this time. Images and memories opened up like a flood gate but I wasn’t scared at all.
Over time, my panic attacks, anxiety, and depression lessoned. That means that my medications lessoned. Boy, was I happy!!!!!
I started PTSD therapy in year 2017. To this day, I still use the tools that I was taught and I know that I can pick up my phone at any time, if I am feeling overwhelmed. I am very proud that I took those steps and I know that you can too.
Any person suffering from life-long depression needs to know that there will always be setbacks. We are human, not meant to be perfect.
I repeat, we are human, not meant to be perfect.
There will be times when you think you have everything under control and this depression will slap you in the face! I tell you, DON’T LET IT. Take control and Keep control.
There is light at the end of the tunnel and I Am Living Proof.
I am Katrina.