In a world where conspirators grow and become financially successful, even leaders or influencers, a lot of people are not willing to accept or even understand a person with nothing to hide. When we assume that others are like us, we set ourselves up for failure, abuse, becoming someone’s doormat, building walls, and worst of all… resentment. These boundary issues lead to trust issues. Let me explain why I believe and have lived in my own consequences.
What are boundaries; YOU ASK? Well, I would describe boundaries as limits that I set for myself, as a human being, both personally and professionally.
Why should you set boundaries; YOU ASK? NUMBER ONE LESSON THAT I HAVE LEARNED: Setting and MAINTAINING boundaries tell others how we expect to be treated.
NUMBER TWO LESSON THAT I HAVE LEARNED: This may be a difficult one to swallow…ready…okay… NOTHING IS RECIPROCAL. Yes, nothing. Face it. Be honest with yourself from the beginning and you will not be let down. Do not take this as me being cynical. It is the truth and I have lived it more than once. This does not mean that you shouldn’t give every great part of you. This means that you should not always expect it in return but value it when it is.
How do I set boundaries; YOU ASK? Keep it simple.
Find out and remember what type of personality you are up against. If someone is dominant, remember, it just may be their personality.
Keep people on a “need to know basis”. I say this because it is NOT YOUR JOB TO ALWAYS SAVE ANOTHER. I have been in more than one situation where I am being looked at to save another because I am strong and know my boundaries. Fact of the matter is, the other person may eventually assume that you will do something for them to the point that they won’t even ask anymore. This is DISRESPECFUL. SET BOUNDARIES.
Four rules that I use for myself when setting boundaries: 1. I decide without judgement what type of personality I am dealing with then I set my boundaries. 2. I clarify my boundaries and what I expect. 3. I communicate openly and respectfully. Remember, not everyone is the “hug it out” kind of person.
4. And the hardest rule to follow…RESPONSIBILITY. I force myself to take responsibility when my boundaries are invaded. In the past, this has been a hard rule for me because emotions can interfere. Truth is, you cannot let emotions interfere or you may become someone’s doormat or even abused.
How do invading boundaries lead to trust issues; YOU ASK? This is a conversation that I could go on and on …and on about but I won’t. I’ll keep it simple, but you must listen, even reread. Ready…speaking from personal experience, relationships are only successful when each person maintains their own identity. I search to support someone as an individual and not feel as if we must “complete each other”. I will support you 100% on whatever journey you choose and stand beside you. BUT DO NOT INVADE MY BOUNDARIES. Some would say this is a “stab in the back” or just plain disrespect. I agree.
How do I know if I have trust issues; YOU ASK? Well, I would like to tell you that it is very simple to recognize trust issues however; I have failed myself, many times.
I can share with you what I have learned, the hard way of course. 1. Number one thing to know is that there are ALWAYS underlying issues. 2. We ALWAYS develop trust issues from a prior relationship. 3. We tend to protect ourselves more when we have trust issues.
Overcoming trust issues takes maturity and the willingness to resolve the issues that are within us.
The person who you are taking it out on, is 99% not their fault. It is the fault of the past.
I hope by putting my heart on my sleeve it helps someone else… I am trusting you.
Trust issues are about being vulnerable. Setting boundaries is about be confident, as a human being.
I am Katrina.