Grief 101: A Personal Journey

Never counted days, months, or years in my time on this earth,
But today feels different, weighed down since your last breath.

Five weeks since I felt you breathe your final sigh,
Five weeks since your calmness faded, and I watched you die.
It weakens me.

The silence is bearable, it’s not what I dread,
But the sadness creeps in, filling my head.

They say, “You’re doing great!” with such certainty,
But am I? I can’t seem to agree.

I’m supposed to be sad, but not so deep in despair
That I drown in my grief or forget to care.

I’m supposed to let go of your things, but not every piece,
Keep just enough as a conversation piece.

I’m supposed to dive into work, but not too far,
Or I’ll lose myself in life’s guitar.

I’m supposed to set boundaries, but not too tight,
So no one calls me harsh when I try to feel right.

I’m supposed to use my support, but only at first,
Because people move on, and life quenches their thirst.

Denial, anger, bargaining all fought within me,
In just sixty seconds as you ceased to be.
Acceptance, depression, the darkness won’t flee,
Hovering always, a shadow over me.

Grief 101: no one warns you it clings,
In the silence, in the ache, in the quiet things.
It lingers between laughter and tears we shed,
A weight I wear like a bed spread.

There’s no perfect balance between holding and letting go.

Maybe it’s okay to be lost for a while,
Maybe it’s okay to lose track and smile.
Maybe it’s fine to forget to cry,
Maybe it’s time to just say goodbye.

There’s no perfect reason or next step to take,
No guidebook to tell me how much to ache.

This is Grief 101, both simple and vast,
It looks so straight forward, yet confusion spreads fast.

I AM KATRINA 

09/22/2024